dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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