Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
