Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
