he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
