Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
