we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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