i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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