Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
