How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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