i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
