So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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