quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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