But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
