I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
