I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
