glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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