Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
