when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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