i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just pee around me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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