Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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