listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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