Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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