Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.