Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
