no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
