ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
