did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
