i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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