college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There r osticjed everywhere
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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