This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
