Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
