i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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