so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
