READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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