But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
