three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
