I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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