Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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