turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize