Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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