do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
