why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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