She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize