Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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