You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
