if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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