There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
