with your own penis?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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