I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
