The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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