You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
