Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
