Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
