he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
