It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
