Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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