Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
