You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
