I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
