So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
