If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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