a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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