Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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