i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
