Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
