turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
