Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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