you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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