We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
