Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
