i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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