It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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