Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime