Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian