I cannot find my penis.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.