if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.