Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.

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  (917): i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night. http://tfl.nu/z30p
  Replies (6) Good night (825) Bad night (3886)
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  (415): View more from California

  Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.

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  (415): Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass. http://tfl.nu/ng8b
  Replies (71) Good night (6379) Bad night (947)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"

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  (254): You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution" http://tfl.nu/yos3
  Replies (22) Good night (6207) Bad night (909)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy

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  (613): my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy http://tfl.nu/gete
  Replies (19) Good night (1679) Bad night (3664)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.

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  (703): I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number. http://tfl.nu/ol2r
  Replies (19) Good night (7158) Bad night (1087)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on

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  (612): we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on http://tfl.nu/0rd7
  Replies (9) Good night (969) Bad night (3389)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny

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  (765): We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny http://tfl.nu/ty4j
  Replies (7) Good night (5305) Bad night (798)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?

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  (618): I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day? http://tfl.nu/kj71
  Replies (11) Good night (1339) Bad night (3248)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.

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  (604): He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face. http://tfl.nu/1cal
  Replies (11) Good night (2883) Bad night (1348)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Things like this can't be explained over text man

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  (678): Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning? (404): Things like this can't be explained over text man http://tfl.nu/zzxh
  Replies (22) Good night (4494) Bad night (1247)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.

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  (706): He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories. http://tfl.nu/ce15
  Replies (15) Good night (2169) Bad night (599)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.

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  (541): I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend. http://tfl.nu/dn5d
  Replies (7) Good night (1314) Bad night (355)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle

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  (616): so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy (313): Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle http://tfl.nu/8mxh
  Replies (5) Good night (1067) Bad night (354)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation

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  (281): I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation http://tfl.nu/41s4
  Replies (1) Good night (306) Bad night (398)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.

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  (404): Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night. http://tfl.nu/g1sg
  Replies (2) Good night (464) Bad night (309)

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