tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions