That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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