I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
