I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
