U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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