therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
