the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
