WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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